I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Too much gin, very little bucket
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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