So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
