the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
