Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
