He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
