i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
