people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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