Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
