Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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