Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
