I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
