I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
