the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I am midnight drunk by noon
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
