i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
