so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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