Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
This toilet bowl is my home.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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