and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
