so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
