I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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