so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
