that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
