Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
