you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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