Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
she pinky promised me she was 18
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Randomize
