clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
