Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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