I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
