yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
