Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
