hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
