Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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