He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
