I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
