Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
