She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
