My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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