Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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