it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
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