i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
