I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
