having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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