he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
You can't motorboat a personality
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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