im holly from the hills drunk
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
