Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
