You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I supernannyed him into submission
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
