I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
