Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
