I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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