he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
