If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
