I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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